Understanding Asexuality


If there is any movie that perfectly describes the person that I am, it is the French film Amelie. It is incredibly challenging to admit and indeed with it comes a sense of shame, stigma and isolation, but in truth I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone. I may have a sex drive, but it is not stimulated by sexual fantasy and I am not at all compelled by a need for sexual contact neither do I go searching for it. When I am attracted to someone, it is merely because of a deep need to feel connected emotionally.

Some of us – like me – are not averse to romance and commitment including sexual contact, but only after a considerably deep emotional connection has been created. It is true that I have never bonded with anyone and, in fact, have only ever experienced quite hostile and cruel men that has caused me to further withdraw, however like in Amelie has a lack of physical bonding growing up – a loving embrace, a warm kiss on the forehead – educated me to feel no need for bonding as an adult? Read More

Book Review: Metamorphosis

One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. He lay on his armour-like back, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his brown belly, slightly domed and divided by arches into stiff sections. The bedding was hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His many legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him, waved about helplessly as he looked.”

Franz Kafka is an incredible writer and one of my favourite novellas, Metamorphosis, stands out as a masterpiece in twentieth century literature. The emotional response that I felt when I completed it was similar to the anime film Grave of the Fireflies where for several days I felt a heavy melancholy, a deep ache within me at the highly imaginative manner in which Kafka was able to portray his existential pain, his isolation and the longing that he felt to connect with his loved ones. The bug both conveys the grotesque image of the impotence he felt together with how his family came to see him as vermin for failing to live up to their expectations. Read More

Rage Against The Parasites

“Ouch” she slapped her arm, missed.
Those little creatures crawled under her skin,
She watched as their vicious teeth bit into her veins.
Those imposters same,
Sweet sounds, kind words, all echo from their mouths
They call. They call and you obey.
Singing sirens from the devils gate. Read More